I was searching Pinterest this morning for nutrition quotes and this one made me laugh.
Can we all not agree with this statement?!
Anyhow, today’s post might be a little long and boring to some, so I won’t count it against you if you yawn and bow out after a couple paragraphs. This is a body and nutrition post. Sometimes I need to ‘throw it all out there,” and today is one of those days.
I would never tout myself as an expert on the health front. I try my best, am always learning and growing, but usually end up feeling like I still know so little. The health world can be overwhelming at times, but for the most part I try to keep it simple: less grains, more veggies and protein, healthy fats in moderation, limit sugar, and drink lots of water and coffee. Okay so maybe that last one isn’t needed, but I beg to differ.
I’ve never hidden the fact that food and I have had a love/hate relationship for as long as I can remember. I was 30 pounds overweight when I was 12 and recall distinctly one Sunday going to church, feeling pretty and strutting around like I knew it, when someone close to me said “I don’t know why you feel that way, you’re fat.” I couldn’t wait to run to my bedroom and cry my eyes out. After crying I looked in the mirror and realized yes, I guess I was fat. And I cried some more.
It’s not like I didn’t know I was overweight before this person told me, but it did make it completely real once stated out loud. Shortly after that my mother took me to the doctor and we discussed my weight. I started Weight Watchers within weeks and in a few months was down the 30 pounds. I felt like I had a new lease on life. Was I mad at the person that said I was fat? Yes and no. It was hurtful at the time, and definitely could have been said differently, but it was still the truth.
Once I got my weight down it was a war to keep it that way. Binging and fasting became a way of life. I hated and loved to eat. I would starve myself for as long as I could, punishing myself for my last binge, until I just couldn’t starve any longer and would eat anything in sight. I wanted to have an eating disorder. I envied the girls that could make themselves puke to get rid of the food. I tried throwing up several times. I would go outside in the woods on my parents property and will myself to throw up. Thankfully looking back now, I could never make it happen.
Things have gotten better as I’ve gotten older. I’ve had my ups and downs with weight, but I’ve continued to learn more about nutrition and how to fuel my body properly as the years pass. These last two years have been the biggest learning experience yet. I gained 50 pounds with pregnancy, and had to patiently and diligently work at getting it all off. And I had to do it in a healthy way, because I was nursing. No binging and fasting for me, I couldn’t risk my milk supply. It took almost a year, but I did it. Nutrition, along with running really got me to a body I’m comfortable in again. Actually, the body I have now I’m more proud of than the one I had before baby.
However, sometimes I fall back into old habits, without truly realizing it. They were such a way of life for so long that unconsciously it’s just happens.
This last week has been horrible. I tried not to let on, but that’s not honest and I want this blog to be honest. I’ve been so tired I can barely get up in the mornings, and when Tyrion goes down for his nap I’ve been crawling back into bed too. I need to go out and work in my garden, but whenever I have the chance it feels like my legs have turned to lead and I can’t move. My back has been killing me, and I cry at the drop of a hat. (Yes, I’m 100% sure I’m not pregnant, thanks for asking) I’ve been cranky and mean to anyone who shows concern. I have no will to do anything. And if you know me personally, you know that is so not me! I’m a crazy person who never sits down.
I was finally just sick of myself last night and told Travis I had to go for a long run, that it needed to be done over the weekend and didn’t happen, so it had to happen today. I laced up and headed out, determined to do about 10 miles. The first few miles I had to slow down and swallow hard several times because my lunch really wanted to make an appearance again. It probably would have felt better if I had let it happen, but there was a lot of people on the Centennial trail last night and how embarrassing would that have been? And gross, just gross.
At mile five I tried to take an energy GU and after the second attempt threw it away, it wasn’t happening, I couldn’t force it down. At mile seven I finally admitted defeat and called Travis and asked him to come pick me up. When I got in the car and settled down a bit, I looked at Travis and said, “I think something’s wrong, I just don’t feel right, and I’m scared.”
After we got home and I put Tyrion to bed, I sat down with Travis and explained what was going on. You guys, I really was scared. What I was feeling happened so sudden and was completely out of the norm. When I was done with my thread of symptoms, Travis looked at me and asked one simple question,
“What did you eat today?”
I thought about it and sheepishly answered, “A sandwich at lunch and some chips and cheese around 3pm.”
Travis raised an eyebrow and asked, “And you expected to run 10 miles on a sandwich and chips? How much water did you drink today?”
Me: “Um . . . .”
Travis: “Honestly Eryn? What did you eat yesterday?”
Me: “Um . . . .”
Travis: “Well I think I know the problem. Poor nutrition and dehydration.”
Me?! The health nut who has been trying so hard to eat a balanced diet? I thought back and realized that the last week I’ve hardly ate anything. I started the THM fuel cycle and about the fourth day in when I wasn’t getting the results I wanted, I mentally went into my fasting phase to punish myself for not dropping more weight like planned. I didn’t even realize what I was doing.
Travis also mentioned that just because I’m done nursing doesn’t mean I can just treat my body like crap. And although I didn’t mean to, I guess that’s what I’ve been doing.
Maybe I could have gotten away with that before, but now with running requiring so much, not to mention the PiYo that is also a killer workout, I’m asking for way more than I’m fueling my body to preform. Not cool Eryn, not cool.
Travis said if I feel I need to see a doctor, then by all means go. But, if it were him he would give it a week, drink a gallon of water a day to rehydrate, eat a balanced diet, and see how I feel towards the end. After talking it over with him that seems like the reasonable thing to do.
I felt compelled to share today because we all mess up, and it’s okay and nothing to be ashamed of. Health is a lifelong journey and it’s not always easy, but it’s very worth it. I want to be that 60 year old woman that still works out and feels great. Because to her, her life was important enough to fight for everyday. Not just so she could live long, but so she could enjoy it to the fullest.
I’ll be sure to fill you all in next week on how I’m feeling. Have a great day and if you are still here after reading all that, thank you!